This Is Me

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I used to be a person who is on top of the world. My grades were fine and I have many friends during primary school. I was also very close to the school counsellor. I used to be very happy and cheerful. 

At that time, people did not really understand why I was very happy. They thought I was crazy for being hyperactive. My counsellor advised me to be like others. To be like my friends who were gentle and mature. I just could not understand her intention at that very moment. I kept pondering about it. 

Well, everything change when I went up to high school. I had this habit of pulling my hair. Boys in my school kept calling me names like " pulau ", " botak " and etc. I was very embarrassed. I kept answering them back. But, the more I answer back, the more they will call me names.

My self-esteem went down and I kept calling myself a stupid person, useless, ugly, and thought that life was not worth living. I was 13 at that time. I went to the school counsellor and told them everything. With my permission, they called my parents and told them everything that happened to me. 

It was really awful.

My mum use to trigger me a lot. Then, I will take the blade and cut my wrist. I felt relief after I cut myself. I also tried to cut my artery. I wanted to end my life. 

My parents sent me to see a private psychiatrist and psychologist. I was given medication.

As the years goes by, I started to overdose on medication. I even jumped down from my room balcony. I kept going into the psychiatric ward in the hospital. Life was not as easy as it is. 

I am turning 18 this year.

To be honest, I still go through a lot of things. I thought I will never be healed from this mental illness. Life seems really hard for me. I just want to give up.

Calling the Befrienders KL really helped me back there. I was really glad to have someone to listen to me and emphasise with me. It makes me feel that I am not alone in this.

To anyone out there who has ever helped me before, I am really thankful and grateful for your help and kindness. Thank you so much :) 

  

Comments

  1. Lai Tee @ GraceFebruary 23, 2022 at 7:22 AM

    Thanks for being vulnerable to share your story. Although you may feel like giving up, continue to persevere on until the day you recovered. I believed you can be healed. Keep hoping, Keep going! Keep on living!

    ReplyDelete

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