The Urge To Pull

 Does anyone knows how to stop pulling their hair ? 

Well, that's one tough question for me to answer my friend.

Hi guys , 

I've been pulling my hair since I was in primary school . I had a condition called trichotillomania . Back then , I keep pulling my hair everyday. There were bald patches on my head but primary school was not that bad . Not many people make fun of me . 

But as I advanced to high school , many male students started calling me names . They called me " pulau " , "botak " and etc . 

I was humiliated right in front of everyone. I ran away from the boys but they kept following me calling me mean names . 

I started thinking that I was ugly and that I was a peculiar person. 

It wasn't long until I went into depression. I began cutting myself all over my hands . I started to feel like life was not worth living anymore . I felt like ending my life at that very time . 

And so it begins . I went to see the school counsellor and they gave me the DASS test . It turned out that my results for anxiety and depression were high and they suggested that they wanted to call my parents to which I objected immediately. I didn't want my parents to know what I was going through.

The very next day , I went to see the same counsellor again . I told her I was feeling very stress and she says she wants to cally parents. 

In the end , I gave her my permission to call my parents .

That night was a disaster . My counsellor called my mum and I heard their conversation. After that , my mum asked me this question " what is your problem "? " What happened to you "? 

  I was scared . My mum told me the school counsellor suggested her to bring me to see a psychiatrist. I told my mum maybe I really need to see a psychiatrist. 

"I don't know what's wrong with me " , I told her . 

From there it begins my treatment of depression. 

I am 19 now . And I still pull my hair . It's not so bad as last time . However, the urge to pull is still there . 

There were times where I told myself not to pull so much . Unfortunately, I always unconsciously pull my hair . 

Right now , I had a small bald patch on my head when I don't tie my hair . I feel so insecure about it . Felt really shy and afraid that the same thing would happen to me again . 

And there it is my friends . 

The story of my urge to pull my hair . 

Thank you .